Just What I Was Looking For..

Of course! Right when I start complaining about the lack of information that combines feminist ideals with realistic experiences, I found a great source in Anne Roiphe's Fruitful. In this memoir, Roiphe discusses the every day contradictions between feminism and motherhood, and how she has worked to manage this clashing of ideas in her own life. While supporting many of the arguments made by feminists in the past and present, she also argues that some aspects of being a mother (guilt, fear, love) are simply undeniable.

She acknowledges the half-century old claims that "working mothers are hurting there children" as ridiculous, but points out the realities of what mothers still are responsible for. For instance, she notes examples of phobias, shyness, temper tantrums, food disorders - all aspects of emotional development with which mothers can be blamed. In this regard she questions how much the guilt faced by working women has really changed over the years. While the women in the article I posted last week sugar-coated the emotional side of their time working with children, Roiphe points out the real-life examples of how this guilt still persists.

"Despite the feminist call to leave the home, despite the economic necessities that shape our decisions, a mother feels guilty when she leaves her children" (99). In this regard, how much can feminism provide a sound solution? You feel guilty when you work, leaving your children behind, and you feel guilty when you stay at home, leaving your "sense of self" behind. Where's the middle ground?

She cites many studies similar to those that I researched, having to do with the effect of maternal employment on children. After reading much of the information I already know ("there's no negative effect found in the long run...") I realized that a big aspect of my research was missing: the psychological viewpoint. Roiphe cites many of these studies as well and concludes, "the social scientists tell us that it's all right to go back to work but the psychiatrists remind us how important attachment is" (110). How are women supposed to deal with this contradiction in advice when maybe there really is also an innate sense of guilt and protection?